Monday, June 18, 2012

Deep Thoughts On ... Pretty Little Liars

As you have probably realized by now, I have the media taste of a 14-year-old girl.  Thus, a series like "Pretty Little Liars" of course appeals to me.  Drama! High School! Gee golly, a novel of a concept! I joke, but I really do like the show.  Maybe this is why I have trouble forming an appreciation for a sophisticated show about adults with relatable storylines like HBO's "Girls" (which, by the way, based on the advice of my friend Greg, I kept watching.  Second review to come later).  Right, so, I've been getting caught up on on the newest season that started a few weeks ago and thought I'd share with you some deep, thought-provoking thoughts that the show makes me ponder.  (Yes, I said thought-provoking thoughts.)

Apparently, they cannot afford electricity.
Which is odd, since, like in every other dream-world teen drama, all of their parents are pretty rich.  So then, why, I must ask, do they insist on doing everything in the dark?  I mean, I know when I'm snooping through my psychologist's desk drawers or hacking into my principal's computer, I like to have some lights on.  So I can properly see how to handle things.  This was also noticed by my Mom, who greatly dislikes the show, who stated, "Those girls are silly.  Why are they always running around in the dark?"  Preach, girl.  Which, running in the dark is hard.  And they're always in situations where they have to run in the dark through the woods or through a graveyard.  Really?  If I ever had to run through anywhere in the dark, you better believe I'd have flashlights, lamps, and the Bat signal attached to my body.

And what is with the power always getting cut off?  And then, after the lights in their house "suddenly" shuts off, they just wander around in the dark, asking why the lights are off.  Bitch, please.  One time in high school I came home after it was dark and the power was off.  I literally stood outside (you know, plenty of witnesses) and called my parents repeatedly.  Let me note, they were attending a mandatory parents meeting for my senior trip.  BUT LISTEN, THE POWER WAS OUT.  THERE COULD'VE BEEN MURDERERS LURKING.  OR GHOSTS.  OR MADONNA.  Anyway, I essentially begged them to come home and waited outside until they arrived.  You know, much safer that way.

Lucy Hale continues to be on my Mortal Enemies List.
As I have previously noted, Lucy Hale, who plays as Aria on the show, is atrocious.  My great disdain for her is mostly rooted in the fact that she LOST THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS, PANTS.  Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.  It was a pivotal moment in history.  In Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, when they all get to Greece, fracking Lucy Hale shows up in her atrociousness and admits that she lost the pants.  THE MAGICAL PANTS.  That bitch.  AND, to make matters worse, NO ONE PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE.  Listen, all I'm saying is that if me and my friends found a pair of magical jeans that fit all of us perfectly then someone lost them, I'd punch Lucy Hale in the face.  Even though she wouldn't have lost the pants in the situation, I'd still punch her.  It seems right.

I want all of Spencer Hastings wardrobe.
So, in the show, Spencer is sort of the alpha-female or HBIC if you will.  And what does every HBIC need?  An intricately fashionable wardrobe.  What's most interesting about her clothes is that she sort of dresses like a hip old woman who occasionally gets high. Medicinally, of course.  Lots of high waisted shorts with belts and chiffon tops.  I approve.  And plenty of cardigans and sweater vests.  WHATEVER, I love a good sweater vest.

Shay Mitchell has the best hair, ever.
No really.  And as someone who went to high school with a high percentage of Asians, I'd say I'm a pretty fair judge of hair.  Unfortunately, luxuriously silky Asian hair is yet another Asian feature I do not hold.  This could be in part to the years of hair straightening and having a White last name.  Anyway, if there was a way for me to go to the salon and get a Shay-perm, which would consist of making my hair look like hers, I would.  Maybe this is something she should consider marketing.  Since I know she obviously reads this blog, heed my advice, Shay.

Wearing a black hoodie like "A" does makes you superhuman.
There is an episode where Hanna literally hits "A" with her car.  I mean hits her.  And "A" just runs off like nothing happened.  Obviously the black hoodie she wears gives her superhuman strength while also acting as super-durable body armor.  Also, "A" is able to follow them around without them noticing.  Even through the woods.  Have you ever tried to sneak around in the woods when there's leaves on the ground?  You're about as unnoticeable as an elephant.

And thus, these are my thoughts.  I hope these thought-provoking thoughts on Pretty Little Liars proved to be thought-provoking for you.  Now I'm off to complete my plan of how to punch Lucy Hale in the face.  Toodaloo!

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