Shit Chloe Says

"All 8 months of senior year were great.  Except for those 4 when you were a fucking vegetarian.  What the hell was that?  Just kidding, senior year was the best.  But no, really.  What the fuck was that?"

Take note kids, Chloe does not approve of vegetarianism. 

From the Fashion Graveyard - Sleeveless Turtlenecks

I distinctly remember sleeveless turtlenecks being a big thing around the end of middle school and beginning of high school.  Looking back now, I wish I could punch me in the face for wearing them.  Though, in my defense, everyone was doing it.  Remember kids, that excuse is only valid for purposes of fashion and drug use.  THAT'S IT.

Anyway, these garments literally do not make sense.  You see the turtleneck and think, "Oh, wintertime, that'll keep you warm."  Then you notice that it has no sleeves.  It's like trying to divide by zero.  There is no answer, you cannot compute.  However, for some reason, it seemed like a fashionable choice at the time.  Best of both worlds!  Winter time around the neck, and summer on the arms!  We cray, ya'll!

I had them in 5-6 different colors.  Which further provides proof of the whole, when I like something, I really really like it.  There is no middle ground.

Since I refuse to provide you with a photo of me in middle school (trust me, you don't wanna see the braces and bushy eyebrows combo), instead, here's a photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt sporting one.  I figure the two go together, since they are both epic fails.  OH! And bonus!  She's sporting some ho-hoops.  We'll address that fashion trend in another post.

Shit Chloe Says

One of my fondest memories of my college roommate and I occurred during a lovely winter snow at Carolina.  Mind you, I grew up on a tropical island, so snow was not very common.  And by "very common" I mean not at all.  Needless to say, experiencing an actual winter was pretty exciting.

Anyway, this conversation occurred during our walk from class back to the dorm:

Me (more excited than a child): "OH MY GOD.  LOOK AT ALL THE SNOW ON THE GROUND."

Chloe (not impressed):  "Yeah."

Me: "CAN I THROW A SNOWBALL AT YOU?"

Chloe: "No."

Me: "PLEASE, CHLOE.  PLEASE, PLEASE.  JUST ONE."

Chloe: "No.  Don't."

Me (throws snowball anyway): "HAHAHAHA."

Chloe: "Fuck you."

Best friends forever, ya'll!

Also, in case you're wondering why all of my lines are in caps, it's because I'm always yelling. Always.

Things I Love - HobNobs

One of my life goals is to eventually develop a British accent.  And, in the by chance that I have an offspring, I plan to raise them for at least the first 10 years of their life in the U.K. so they'll also have an accent.  I know, my aspirations are inspiring.

Point here being that I love several things from the U.K.  One of these things being HobNobs.  If you haven't heard of them, they're these cookies, or as the Brits call them, "biscuits," that are made of oats and goodness and covered in nature's candy (chocolate).  I originally heard of them when Britain's Sweetheart, aka Britain's Britney, aka Queen Cheryl of Cole, aka Cheryl Cole, talked about them in an interview and said they were her favorite.

So, being that what celebrities say is usually dependable and trustworthy, I found it necessary to buy them during my first trip to New York City.  I mean, if they're good enough for my friend Cheryl, they're good enough for me.

And dear God, they are delicious.  And by "delicious," I mean amazingly delicious.  Combining sweet carbs and chocolate always produces positive results; ask any doctor or scientist.

I highly suggest you buy a pack anytime that you can.  I figure if I eat enough of them, I'll just magically develop an accent.  That makes sense.  Queen Cheryl approves this message.

Shit Chloe Says

During a discussion regarding how we put on our bras, this little gem came about.  I'll give you no further context, and just leave it open to interpretation:

"If you have boobs in the front, you can't have boobs in the back."

Winning -- Women's Soccer Edition

So back in April, it was announced that the Men's and Women's National Soccer teams were receiving new uniforms.  Makeover!  They made their luxurious debut at the Olympics this past weekend.  And while being criticized as looking like "Where's Waldo" and a remix of Paraguay's uniform, I happen to like them.

For some reason, when I think of soccer on the grand scheme of things, grand scheme being everywhere else in the world aside from America, uniforms with stripes seem to appear more legit.  Sorry bout it.  That's just the way it works.  FC Barcelona?  STRIPES.  Argentina's National Team?  STRIPES.  Really, I'm just declaring the teams Messi plays for to be absolutely legitimate.  You get the picture.

Anyway, in regards to the above picture, this is what winning truly looks like.  Please note how all of the ladies are all smiling as if to say "Woo! We're excited! We're at the Olympics!"  Meanwhile, Hope Solo says, "Bitch, I'm at the Olympics."  Tyra taught her how to smize apparently.

Actually, in regards to what winning looks like, please refer to these genius snapshots from the match against Colombia:

It's gotta be the neon green cleats.  When I grow up I want to be Alex Morgan.

Literally a photo of Abby Wambach scoring the second goal of the match.  Not gonna lie, mostly including this photo because look at the hair on the player from Colombia.  It's like a magical unicorn mane.

Laura Cheney just wants to be your FRAAAAND.

Sidenote, in case you didn't know because you're living under Patrick's rock, the US won 3-0.  Just the norm.

Shit Chloe Says

Me: "Yeah, so anyway, they kind of call her 'Skeletor' as a nick-name."

Chloe: "Oh my God.  I would never want to be called Skeletor.  I mean, unless I was really skinny, in which case I'd be like 'OH HAYYY, I'M SKELETOR.'"

Own it.