Sunday, December 17, 2017

The K-Mac Stack - 12/17/2017

I finally listened to Swifty's "Reputation"
Look, I'm not ashamed to admit 1989 was a hot ass album. I love every song on it, even though my heart and brain and organs tell me that Taylor Swift is a snake and would Regina George me in a second. I of course took the time to listen to her latest album, once it was made available on Spotify because the only music I will outright buy is the Danity Kane reunion album.

A quick summary of how every song goes on this album:
  • Dramatic talking. 
  • A build up with either whisper singing or repeating the same words over and over. 
  • Loud actual singing. 
Anyway, not a fan of this album or her whole "IDGAF what you say about me except I really do because I made an entire album about it but I'm badass now but not badass enough to be able to take any sort of criticism but like you guys remember how Kanye wronged me I don't want to talk about it but I will talk about it this entire album" aura she's putting off.
To be honest, this is the most banging playlist of the year
So one day, I was casually browsing my Spotify when I was presented with this playlist. I scrolled through it thinking "Hot damn this is banging" before realizing this is in fact my own "Top Songs of 2017" playlist based off the top 100 songs I listened to this year (and no it's not just Bodak Yellow and Work From Home on repeat thank you very much). What can I say, I'm really good at knowing what I want to hear.

Anyway, if you're looking for some tunes to blast in your car, on the subway, at the gym, at your wedding, when your friend is in labor, etc. THIS IS IT!

Also, I have to let the masses know that "Work From Home" was one of my top 5 played songs of the year FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. I plan to continue this tradition until I die at which time it will be played at my funeral.

I guess this is how I'll learn Korean and Spanish
Sticking to this music theme, my two favorite songs of the moment are not in English because I am a citizen of the world and so global (and not just because I bought those "Jams of the World" that one time from World Market).

You've heard me mention them before because they've recently blown up in the US, but BTS is this precious K-Pop group. They're like the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC (haha I had to Google where the asterisk went) if either of those groups could actually hip-hop dance and sing at the same time. I'm down with their 90s'ish wardrobe and the bucket hats and GOOD LORD LOOK AT THEIR HAIR. So shiny and luxurious unlike that ramen noodle hair situation Justin Timberlake had going on. Anyway, cash me in AP Korean class how bou' dah.

Look, I don't speak Spanish, but I've been listening to this song on repeat so check in with me next week when I'm fluent. Based on the video, this song is about bamboozling money from dudes at the casino downtown while wearing bomb ass clothes? Can someone please confirm for me. Also, I'm not a Brazilian woman (did you guys know that), but if I was, I think it'd be great to be Anitta. She is actually a flawless human being. And little known tidbit -- I have this unexplainable attraction to J Balvin. He seems, smooth? Like he would have game. And not like Monopoly.

Where has actress Mary J. Blige been our whole lives
I know all of you either have a Netflix account or you have the password to your ex-boyfriend's mom's co-worker's daughters account, so I need for you to watch Mudbound as soon as possible. The story is based around a white sharecropper family and black sharecropper family, both of whom have a family member return home after WWII. Mary J. Blige plays the mother of one family and she is utterly amazing. She completely dissolves into the role that you forget it's even Mary J. Blige, which is quite the feat. Anyway, yes I cried at some point and I feel this image below correctly summarizes sentiment if she isn't recognized this awards show season:

Lady Bird lives up to the hype
After seeing it was the highest rated movie on Rotten Tomatoes with the most 100% ratings, I was still a little uncertain. But y'all, that movie lives up to the hype and more. Saoirse Ronan stars as Lady Bird and as a note, she is the only actress I've ever forgiven for her film transgressions (REMEMBER HOW IT WAS HER FAULT THAT KEIRA KNIGHTLEY AND JAMES MCAVOY DIDN'T END UP TOGETHER IN ATONEMENT. I WAS VERY AFFECTED).
Coming-of-age movies too often come off as...fake? Almost as if filmmakers watch episodes of "Dawson's Creek" and decide that is how most teens experience life except you can't relate because you can't row a boat across a creek because it gives your hand calluses. A lot of these movies are over dramatic in portraying the way-way highs and way-way lows of growing up, but Lady Bird doesn't fall into this trap. It feels genuine and there's at least one thing in one of the characters you can relate to. And the early 2000s soundtrack doesn't hurt.

Let's talk about Golden Globe nominations
While I enjoy the Golden Globes, I sometimes find the nominations to This is obviously because nominees are chosen by about 90 members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.  It's all very confusing because is a small group of journalists really qualified to choose nominees when there's a perfectly good me here to do it instead? The answer is no. Having journalists choose nominees for acting awards is like having me perform surgery. Sure I've seen ER and Grey's Anatomy but I'm not going to scrub into an appendectomy. Except for that one time. In Thailand. Look let's not talk about it.
Some notes:
  • Get Out is nominated for Best Picture, Musical or Comedy. Let's be very clear about something: Get Out is not a comedy and anyone who thinks it is did not watch Get Out.
  • FIVE MEN NOMINATED FOR BEST DIRECTOR, ARE WE KIDDING. In a year that brought us Patty Jenkins' box office record breaker "Wonder Woman" and Greta Gerwig's "Lady Bird" and Dee Rees' "Mudbound." Absolutely ridiculous and I want to burn this place down.
  • The whole Best Actor in a Comedy category has been rendered moot because Hugh Jackman is nominated for "The Greatest Showman," which also features Zac Efron. Sorry but there's no way in hell a Zefron movie garners nominations for anyone. And y'all know I love my baby Zef, but boy is a horrible actor and I find it hard to accept a movie is able to overcome that. Also, Ansel Elgort is nominated for "Baby Driver," and anyway what is going on is this the Teen Choice Awards.
  • The category I'm most interested in is Best Supporting Actress in a Drama. Laurie Metcalf as the mom in "Lady Bird"; Allison Janney as the mom in "I, Tonya"; Mary J. Blige as the mom in "Mudbound." This is 100% the race to watch. All of them are mind-blowingly amazing in their roles and choosing a winner is like deciding if you want curly fries or waffle fries with your burger. IMPOSSIBLE DECISION.
  • On the TV side, all I want to note is Julie Louis-Dreyfus has never won a GG for "Veep." Meanwhile, she's won an Emmy EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR because she deserves it and honestly how are the Globes even still in business with this massive oversight.

Alas, the SAG Awards never let me down
These nominations generally make sense and this is because they're chosen by fellow actors. Also the SAG Awards often reflect who will win at the Oscars closer than the Golden Globes because the voting members for the SAGs are usually also Oscar voting members. Did that all make sense?

Anyway, I love the SAG Awards (and not just because the show ALWAYS sticks to its 2-hour running time).

Some notes:
  • They nailed it with Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture nominees: The Big Sick, Mudbound, Lady Bird, Get Out,  and Three Billboards. Hoping Mudbound gets this one because every one of the cast members in this film stands out.
  • Um yes, any category where an actor from Big Little Lies is nominated must win. And in the Female Actor in a Miniseries category, which pits Reese Witherspoon vs. Nicole Kidman vs. Laura Dern, it's gotta be Nicole Kidman. Y'ALL SHE WENT THROUGH SO MUCH IN THAT SEASON INCLUDING HAVING REALLY UNFORTUNATE BANGS.
  • Female Actor in a Drama Series has to go to Elisabeth Moss for The Handmaid's Tale. Mossy's acting is so supreme I'm certain she could convince me that butter is fat free and french fries clear up acne.

In a shocking turn of events, Disney has decided to cast Liu Yifei (or Crystal Liu) as Mulan in the live-action remake due out in 2019. That's right. They've cast an actual Chinese actress over me even though I had already set my out-of-office email response to "I'm out of the office indefinitely filming the live-action remake of Mulan." I THOUGHT THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK.

I think I can more thoroughly provide basis for my outrage through photos. Here's cartoon Mulan:
And here is who Disney actually cast, actress Crystal Liu:
And here is me in some recent fall photos I had taken:

Anyway, I'll be channeling my anger into rage eating over the holidays to put on my winter weight for survival and all. See you all soon! Awards show season and (dear God) the newest season of The Bachelor are just around the corner!

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