Tuesday, September 18, 2018

What did we learn from the 2018 Emmy Awards?

This year's Emmy's were like an overhyped party that was talked about for weeks. But then you show up to find this "party" is just a case of Natural Light and a bag of plain ass Lays chips.

Thank goodness for the red carpet! It was the fun pregame and by far, the most entertaining part of the evening (even with E! buzzkilling everything). And since it's been a while, I'll let Chrissy describe my feelings about experiencing a red carpet with Rancic and Jason Kennedy again:

Best dressed:
Issa Rae looks amazing at every show and I know I always list her as a favorite but that's only because she looks infinitely better than 85% of the other attendees. She opted for a Carolina Blue dress this year to pay homage to her impending best friendship with me. Spread the word. I love the long train situation on this top, but how annoying do you think it was in the bathroom? Like, do you think she had to ball up the entire bottom part of this outfit and hold it above her head while trying to undo her pants to pee? The logistics alone sound terrible.
While we're on pantsuits, let's talk about Tatiana Maslany. You may remember me quietly mentioning THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE SO MANY EMMYS FOR PLAYING EVERY CHARACTER ON ORPHAN BLACK but maybe not because I'm so demure in talking about the things I like. She showed up in some sleek black pants with a highlighter yellow wrap top that looks like a curtain ripped off the wall of an EDM party. I support this look. Anytime you can wear something that then transforms into decorative home goods is honestly just smart shopping.
Rory Gilmore showed up in this pink lemonade situation that I don't actually hate. I loved her simple makeup and hair and I guess I find her stunning at most events because I'm used to seeing her look haggard as hell on "The Handmaid's Tale." So this Fun Dip dress was great! Almost made me forget she's married to Pete Campbell and his weird hairline. And look, I don't base my disdain for him just on looks - he creeps me out to my shallow, tin core. He's definitely someone who whispers a lot and we all know that whispering is the trademark of a creep. 

Best brows
To be fair, Emilia Clarke has the best brows in just about any room she's in (unless Demi Lovato is also in that room, in which case, a brow-off occurs). And while the extent of my makeup knowledge is simply to buy whatever Chrissy Teigen endorses in hopes of making my face look like hers, even I could tell that Emilia's makeup was FLAWLESS. Look at that closeup! That is her actual face! It's unbelievable that she and I are the same species (allegedly).

I wasn't sure how to feel about her dress. The literal breeziness of the top reminded me of that time I forgot to wear a bra to school. Except, I imagine if I had worn a mesh top, braless to 8th grade, there would've been some sort of situation. Anyway, I'm letting the fact that her hair and makeup were a 10, average this entire look out to a 12. I took pre-calc in college, so you can trust me.

Best Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia
Let me first say that Milo Ventimiglia is a delicious bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos. I have loved him since Jess Mariano days and was pretty disappointed that we didn't get a Jess and Rory reunion on the red carpet. I think he's one of those smooth guys who can wink at you and it doesn't seem weird. And I'm 140% positive that if he winked at me, I would first giggle like a baby then probably die.

And Mandy Moore! She hasn't let the fact that her performance in "A Walk to Remember" was overlooked by the Oscars get to her. Look how good she looks! She's in that Sandy Bullock/Reese Witherspoon wine cellar, just getting better with age. With that perfect level of spray tan and beach waves. I can practically hear "I'M MISSIN YOU LIKE CANDY AAAAY YAAAA." Don't @ me, that song is still a bop.

Okay okay let's talk about the show at least a little...

Meme'd in the first 5 minutes of the show, Chrissy T did not come to play. The audience was allowed to have alcohol at their seats this year, so I can only hope that CT had a few glasses of champagne. And while I could dedicate this entire post to her, I'll just refer you to my doctoral dissertation: "Chrissy Teigen Dictates A Questionable Number of Things in My Life and I Have No Regrets."

Brace yourself: I'm not a Mrs. Maisel fan
No one is more shocked than me. It's an Amy Sherman-Palladino show, so it features her signature fast-paced, quippy dialogue and well thought out characters, but man, it is not funny. It's like the LaCroix of TV shows: You know there's a hint of something funny in it, but it's so faint that you're not sure. For reference, this gif of Amy Sherman-Palladino perfectly encapsulates the comedy of the show:
She was returning to the stage to accept Outstanding Directing for a Comedy (after winning Writing for a Comedy). Can't Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino just focus all of their efforts into pumping out new Gilmore Girls revivals every year? GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT.

Anyway, contradictory to me, the Emmys LOVED Mrs. Maisel. It swept so many of the comedy awards and we learned that this is what we get when we lose "Veep." I did somewhat support Alex Borstein winning Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy though because I pretended it was a delayed reward for her work as Ms. Swan on Mad TV.
She did a shimmy and told women to sit down to pee, because if one of us sits, we all get to sit WHICH IS ACTUALLY TRUE. #StopHoverPeeing2018

I remain a salty salt shaker over "The Good Place" not getting more nominations. Call me old fashioned but I assume that "comedy" implies something is funny. Crazy, I know.

The only non-Sandra Oh who I accept winning
The Outstanding Lead Actress category was like a Britney Spears Greatest Hits album - HOW DO YOU CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE? While I was hoping Sandra Oh would take it home, becoming the first Asian woman to win a lead acting Emmy, I was okay with Claire Foy winning instead. If you haven't seen season 2 of "The Crown," just chisel out 10 hours this weekend to binge it. She is simply amazing. The acting she does with her eyes alone is award worthy. And I have eyes, which makes me qualified to make that assessment.

And since we're on the topic of Sandra Oh, I need to talk about how much I love her parents and the fact that her mom came in traditional Korean hanbok:
Y'all, when I say I hollered, I mean I HOLLERED. And even better was that Sandra introduced her parents to all of the red carpet interviewers as "Mr. and Mrs. Oh." YES. Do you actually think fracking Rancic gets the privilege of calling her lovely mother by her first name? Naaahhhh. Also, I love how when Claire Foy won and Sandra Oh was graciously clapping, her mom was clearly like "Umm, who is that? And why is she holding your trophy?"

When someone says they saved the last cookie for you
I didn't include her before, but I'm digging Thandie Newton's one-shoulder, cape dress. She won in the other category I deemed most competitive: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama. And while I've only seen half of season 1 of Westworld, she was pretty fantastic in that half of a season. Fantastic enough to win over THREE of the ladies from Handmaid's Tale AND Cersei Lannister AND Princess Margaret. They would make up one badass volleyball team.

Speaking of the Handmaid's ladies, here they are all huddled together as Thandie is announced:
This is precious but also confusing for my mind to see Aunt Lydia and Serena Joy being friendly with Emily. DON'T TRUST THEM EMILY!

A standard proposal location
So while Glenn Weiss was accepting his Emmy for directing the Oscars (which is such an Inception thing to happen), he took the time to propose to his longtime lady friend, Jan. And it was so freaking cute. He spoke first of his mom who recently passed away before saying that Jan is the light in his life. Then came the kicker: "You wonder why I don't want to call you my girlfriend? Because I want to call you my wife." And this was her reaction:
She of course said yes! And no one was shocked to learn that this is the first time someone has gotten engaged on an Emmys stage. And I was shocked to find this entire TV engagement genuine and sweet because I've dealt with garbage ones for the past however many months with the Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise.

Did you all get the memo from Angela Bassett declaring she has decided to stop aging? I audibly gasped at how gorgeous she looks. And I love Tiffany Haddish just relishing in the moment.

Lil' Baby Aidy, here to steal yo' man
Just want to point out Aidy Bryant's bit during the opening number. It is my biggest hope that she pitched this as "Okay and when you pan to me, I'll just be caressing Milo Ventimiglia" with no other supporting details or setup. Gotta shoot your shot, ya know.

And I thought Aidy was maybe sitting next to him just for the bit, but as it turns out, that was her seat! Between Milo and JT!
If I were her, I would've held both of my arms out, palms up, on the armrests to see if Milo or JT would try to hold my hand first. That is how relationships start.

Tami Taylor!
Connie Britton is what you get when you cross a Lilly Pulitzer dress with a glass of sweet tea and I am here for her southern fried goodness. I don't even remember what award she and Eric Bana were presenting, but she stood like this for most of the time and her hair remains a level of perfection I will never comprehend. Shout out to me for capturing Eric Bana in this moment, looking like he's upset people don't remember his stellar performance in one of the Hulk movies.

When your mom forces you to go to prom with the King of the North
Aside from the fact that this looks like an awkward high school dance photo, Constance Wu looks gorg! I like how her dress kind of looks like it's made of that bubbly glitter paint. And Kit Harington, while sweet looking, always looks like he's waiting in line at the bank. And the teller just stepped away for lunch. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what he looked like when Game of Thrones won Outstanding Drama.

Who should've hosted the show
Colin Jost and Michael Che were....alright. If you want to watch 3 hours of Weekend Update. The funniest part of their hosting was the bits with Maya Rudolph and Fred Armisen, who were pretending to be Emmys "experts." I don't mean to get critical here (haha yes I do), but Colin and Michael are clearly comedy WRITERS. Maya and Fred are comedic PERFORMERS. It's kind of like how you go see Adele to hear her sing. And you go see Britney to see her dance (YES EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE SMALL MOVEMENTS MOSTLY WITH HER HANDS, SHE'S STILL DANCING). Two very respectable, yet different things.

My point here is that NBC had SO many choices for hosts (as was evident in the entire SNL cast being in the opening dance) and they chose two kind of boring dudes.

And that's it! Or well, that's all that my brain full of packing peanuts decided to commit to long-term memory. Interested to see if Emmy voters will still like Mrs. Maisel next year. Or if they'll finally cave and just agree that Julia Louis-Dreyfus should get the Emmy every year, regardless of if she's in anything.

See you all soon! Til then, find me staring at your dog from across the street and also on Twitter (@cocoakristis) and Instagram (@kristimac9).

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