Let's chat about The Bachelorette (Week 7)

This week's post is brought to you by Tyler summarizing how we all felt about this episode. We'll never know what word he said that ABC replaced with a blank line (my guess is "I mashed potato hate this, dude").

You guys. I haven't been this mad about something since, well actually since last week's episode when we got catfished into a 2-hour episode that included 5 minutes of actual content. It's almost like I'll never learn. So let's dive into this ignorance!

"I did not know nekkid bodies would fall out of there"
I am required to spell naked like that to reflect exactly how Hannah says it.

We're in Latvia! And no, I did not accidentally spell "Latvia" like "latka," I know the difference. Boring golf pro Garrett gets the first one-on-one date in our new location, I assume as a reward for matching his sweater to the interview room decor:

They meet in the woods, aka the one place your mom always told you NOT to meet men at, and Hannah claims it's "so beautiful."

To be honest, it looks like a lot of dead trees and shrubs, but what do I know about beauty. They walk around for a bit before "stumbling" upon a couple bungee jumping out of a cable car naked. And on a whim (not planned by the producers or told in advance to both of them of course) they decide, hey let's do that too!

So they head up in this cable car and we get plenty of censored shots. Is there really anything more romantic than sharing a black censor box with your boyfriend?

Okay and look, I don't want to body shame anyone except oh, what is this, the shame bell from Game of Thrones! Garrett's body is probably last on the list of men I want to see naked. Like, he's even after Chris Harrison. It's annoying that we get to see Garrett's pink and hairy body when there's a perfectly good Mike around. Unbelievable.

Anyway, they hold each other and jump and we get this super attractive shot of both of them:

I assume that's both of their shoulders, but we can't really be sure. And once they're back on the ground, the cable car operators throw Hannah's bra in the water:

This seemed both unnecessary and also rude? Like that bra is probably at least $30?

Anyway, they get cleaned up and go to dinner and Garrett shares that he grew up in a football family and played it growing up, but one day was like "Bruh, this isn't for me" and decided to do the white thing and switch to golf. Wow, so brave. Some more observations on Garrett: I feel like he's probably really messy? Like I imagine his frat house, er I mean, house, is just full of empty water bottles. And soap scum stains. And stains in general. My point here is he's just not my bowl of noodles.

Hannah apparently enjoys bland tofu though and gives him a rose.

"A normal date with 7 men"
For the group date, the other dry pieces of chicken and one beef cake Mike get to wander around this local food market with Hannah. At one point, Tyler brings Hannah flowers, which seems sweet until you realize they are SURROUNDED by cheese and this man brought her plants instead of a cheese bouquet. He may be hot, but he's still got a lot to learn.

Hannah seemingly enjoys herself, saying that they all did "exactly what I asked." This includes having Mike pick her up and who can blame her:

I'm more interested in seeing what Mike can put down, if you know what I mean (OH PLEASE YOU'RE USED TO ME SAYING THESE THINGS NOW).

Later during the ignore-the-charcuterie portion of the night, Hannah gives Tyler a dental exam because she is a true Renaissance woman:

Tyler tells her "You look heaven sent, like an angel, and I hope you're my angel" AND THIS IS THE CHEESE I'M TALKIN ABOUT. I think Tyler is smokin' hot, but his charm levels are BEYOND a box of Lucky Charms.

While this is happening, Luke tells the guys (because they're all such good friends) that he's disappointed Hannah went bungee jumping naked with Garrett because her body is a temple. As a note, he didn't believe Garrett when he first told the group what they did, so Luke asked Hannah during the group date what she and Garrett did on their date. And she confirmed Nakedpalooza.

Back to the point, Sexist Idiot Luke is on the verge of a roid rage episode and decides he needs to voice his ignorant concern to Hannah. A summary of their conversation:

Luke: Naked. Garrett. Me mad. You mine. Your body mine.
Hannah: It wasn't sexual, also I do what I want
Luke: ME FORGIVE YOU

He says it's a slap in the face that she did this, relating it to being cheated on. He also adds that even if she makes "boneheaded mistakes" he'll forgive her and they'll get through it, which is implying that her naked bungee jumping was boneheaded. She's sort of at a loss for words because: 1) She can do what she wants with her body and 2) Refer to #1. There will be more on this later, of course.

Hot ass Tyler gets the group date rose.

"It's important for Peter to have all of me like he deserves"
GO ON HANNAH, PREACH. Our Teen People magazine cover star gets the second one-on-one date and please look at this outfit he shows up in that is straight out of Dawson Leery's closet, MY HEART:

I can actually smell the Abercrombie & Fitch cologne all over this jacket and I don't hate it. For their date, Hannah brings Peter to this Latvian spa type place because she is doing the Lord's work in presenting a situation where Peter must be shirtless.

After beating each other with branches, they sit in a sauna to have a sweaty, half-naked conversation.

Or well, they attempt to have a deep conversation but really spend the majority of the time calling each other hot. And in both of their defenses, they're not wrong. Also, per Hannah's abs, it seems she does not indulge in Domino's at 3 a.m. post-drinking. So I really admire her.

After both of their loins are literally on fire, we get these totally non-creepy shots of them making out through a slightly open door:

Hannah is so honest about being a straight up horn dog and I love her for it. Live your life atop sweaty Peter, girl.

We then get a visit from an old friend:

The hot tub is back! This same old thing they cart around to EVERY international location. Peter tells Hannah he felt terrible she was so upset last week, but also, that it sucked to hear her say she couldn't see herself "getting there" with any of them. She reassures him and they make out more because it is mandatory in the hot tub.

Later at dinner, Peter shares that he's had trouble opening up because of heartbreak from a past relationship. But he's opening up now because he's never felt so strongly so quickly about someone like he does for Hannah. He then tells her he's falling for her and she obviously gives him a rose.

Peter is perfect, so my only concern about their date is DO THESE LOOK LIKE PANCAKES???

PANCAKES WITH BERRIES??? THIS SHOW IS ACTUALLY TAUNTING ME NOW WITH MY FAVORITE FOOD, I CANNOT DEAL.

Things that I would react awkwardly to

Before the Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony, Jed decides he needs to remind everyone that he's a musician. So he surprises Hannah by singing outside of her hotel window before being invited up to sing to her face-to-face. As a loud awkward bird, a guy gently singing a love ballad to my face would make me so uncomfortable. Like can we get some Britney or Gaga in here.

Also, this might be rude (what's new), but there's clearly a reason why Jed hasn't made it big yet. And that reason is his voice isn't that great. Anyone can whisper sing like he does. There was literally an early 2000s song called "The Whisper Song" (shout out to the Ying Yang Twins). But Hannah enjoys the whispering and intense eye contact and they make out in front of Jed's guitar:

PLEASE LOOK AT HER FLEXED FOOT. I could not stop laughing. Her little foot just hanging there while his guitar is literally in her ass. ROMANCE.

Obligatory smiling Mike moment

I wish Mike was an alarm clock so I could tap that every morning. OH WHATEVER YOU AGREE, STOP PRETENDING TO CLUTCH YOUR PEARLS.

"You're not my husband and you don't own my body"
After marinating on the whole "body is a temple" thing that Luke mentioned earlier and gathering her caps lock thoughts, Hannah is ready to confront him about how ignorant he is. She makes this face for the majority of their conversation, which heads up, this is the DEFAULT face of all women when we're pissed. Chin down, brows up and melting into our eyes.

Hannah proceeds to recall WORD FOR WORD what Luke said about being mad that she "exposed" her body to a man that wasn't her husband and how it upset him because he wants to introduce her to his family. And asks him to explain himself.

Honestly, I sort of expected his dumb ass to clarify his words by straight up saying "I cannot have my wife, the woman I bought and own, pregnant and in the kitchen making me sandwiches if she has ever been naked before, ever." (I also feel pretty certain he would be surprised to learn that women can vote.)

Instead, Luke, whose raisin brain is more shriveled than his balls from steroids, bumbles over his words in a poor attempt to explain his misogyny. In true asshole form, he responds to Hannah with "IF I said that...." and "I don't know if you totally remember...."

To which Hannah responds:

At this point, they are having two completely different conversations, wherein Hannah is voicing legitimate concerns and Luke is feigning amnesia while trying to convince her that she misheard his ignorant comments. And since I've highlighted what an upset woman looks like, this is what a lying douchebag looks like:

Cheeks all flushed and neck full of hives because his own blood is literally trying to escape his presence. I really cannot emphasize enough how happy I'll be to see his Sharpie'd brows and flesh colored beard go home.

He returns to the room of guys and this interaction happens:

Room of guys: *silence, literally no one addresses Luke's presence*
Luke: SINCE Y'ALL ARE DYING TO KNOW I JUST WANT TO SHARE THAT I WILL NOT SHARE WHAT HANNAH AND I TALKED ABOUT

He then tells them that they all need to "stay in their lane," which is like an arsonist telling a firefighter to stop starting fires. Witnessing his personality is so bizarre. The only good that will come out of this, I assume, is a PSA showing the negative side effects of steroids. The more you know.

After all this, there's no way Luke gets a rose, right?
WRONG. The producers, I mean "Hannah," decides to give Luke the last rose, opting to send home the two D's (Dustin and Dylan) over the biggest D-bag in the house.

Since he opened the post, let's bring this full circle and let Tyler close out the post with his reaction to Hannah giving Luke a rose:

And that's it! This week was especially annoying and horrendous, which is saying a lot since this show maintains a pretty high bar for terribleness. I can only hope we've been forced to endure Luke because he will go home in some embarrassing fashion. See you next week for (hopefully) that! Til then, find me hovering over and inhaling the bowl of Doritos at your summer barbecue and also on Twitter (@cocoakristis) and Instagram (@kristimac9).

Let's chat about The Bachelorette (Week 6)

This week's post is brought to you by Hannah wearing a jacket like a cape, which is something I can't seem to do?

Like you'd think my clothes hanger shoulders would support wearing a jacket like this, but because I am such a complex person, they do not. I also don't actually get the point of wearing a jacket like this. Is it so cumbersome to slip your arms through the sleeves, really.

Okay back to the topic — this week’s episode is the EPITOME of a meeting that could’ve been an email. So let’s dive into how they managed to draw out 10 minutes of content into a two-hour episode!

Hand me another bat, this dead horse needs more beating
Post-Hannah deciding not to give Luke a rose, he takes some time to Justin Timberlake and be a Man of the Woods.
He walks around in complete darkness, stepping on every single crunchy leaf, which is how I assume most serial killers do their plotting. After mulling it over, he decides that he’s not ready to go home even though the person who gets to decide that (Hannah) has decided he should go home. MEN DO NOT LISTEN.

So he walks back into the castle saying "Nothing is going to stop me," which is definitely the way to reassure us all that he’s not a psycho. Hannah is pretty shocked to see him because, as was noted earlier, she sent him home.

They both then pull out bats and beat this dead horse of a conversation we’ve heard for an entire episode. While in this dark ass Game of Thrones room:

A summary of their convo this time:

Hannah: You’re just not opening up and you’re a robot
Luke: BLEEP BOOP BOOP BUT ME LOVE YOU. ME WANT TO MARRY YOU. BOOP BOOP.

Luke is like that puppy that shits on your carpet, except instead of a puppy, he’s a disgusting swamp monster and instead of shitting just once, he does it constantly and your carpet is Gucci AND WHY WILL HE NOT LEAVE US.

Hannah finally realizes she won’t be able to rid herself of this Luke rash tonight and says while he doesn’t have a rose, he can stay until the Rose Ceremony.

I’ve got some vested interests

Not that I’ve thought about it, but I feel like Mike could easily carry me in his arms? And that’s a crucial trait I look for in a partner, not because it’s sweet to be carried over thresholds, but because I literally hate walking.

"All of the drama is allowing nothing to get accomplished"
Hannah preaching what may be the motto of this entire show.

During the cocktail party, Garrett, aka guy who always wears 40 layers, uses his time with Hannah to ask if Luke stayed true to his promise to not mention any of the guys. She tells him that a few of the guys did come up, but only because she specifically asked about certain situations.

Garrett then all but runs from Hannah to tell the guys "HEY LUKE LIED TO US," which is a statement that no one should be surprised by. After tattling, the guys spiral into one of the most boring episodes of Jerry Springer ever.

Luke says he did mention Mike, Devin and Dylan, but only because Hannah brought up topics surrounding them. Garrett can’t let it go and they proceed to bicker for what feels like 40 hours.

Hannah, who is attempting to chat with vocal fry Connor, gets annoyed by the squawking and goes to see what’s up. I'm mostly including this shot for the caps lock EXTREME MINIATURE GOLF promo.

She asks why they're all being so annoying. And during his first speaking role of the season, Devin tells her that most of them use their time with her to build their own relationship, not bring up other guys (haha which is not true), so he’s wondering why Luke constantly brings them up. As an FYI, this is Devin because I assume you (like me) do not remember him:

Hannah squashes his loaded baked potato question by telling him "I’m the one who asked about them," effectively deflating his puffed out chest.

She tells the group to cut the shit and then walks away to drink in solitude and rethink the life decisions that led her to this:

While she’s attempting to enjoy her champagne shots, she can hear the bros at it again. ARGUING ABOUT THE SAME THING.

And I don’t want to point fingers — I want to point fingers and thumbs at who is to blame for this continued argument:

Hannah breaks down and says that Luke isn’t the only one making her mad, they’re all driving her insane with the bickering. She goes on to say that none of them have even asked deeper things about her because all they do is talk about dumb shit. And she wants them all to stop focusing on Luke and start focusing on her, WHICH IS THE PREMISE OF THE SHOW AND IT'S UPSETTING THAT SHE HAS TO REMIND THESE CLOWNS OF IT.

She then leaves these ding dongs so they can think about what they’ve done and cries into Chris Harrison’s little bird arms.

Chris Harrison seems like a nice enough guy, but all I can focus on during close-up shots of him is how he doesn’t have lips. Like, not even the tiniest outline.

Do you think that means he never needs chapstick? Or does he just apply it to his chin and the area of skin under his nose? I have so many questions.

Wait, now he's even more unemployed

After telling off all the guys and doubting this whole "journey," Hannah still holds a Rose Ceremony, which seems a little odd (even though I know she probably had to have one). Literally 30 seconds ago she was yelling Y'ALL SUCK AND I CAN'T SEE A FUTURE WITH ANY OF YOU and now she's like "Hi, will you accept this rose that will lead to marriage." A totally normal sequence of events.

Anyway, Devin, Kevin and Grant are sent home and I honestly cannot believe Grant lasted for 6 weeks. He has interacted with Hannah, one-on-one, approx negative 14 times. Also, there is no way this man is 30. He's AT LEAST 45.

And these 3 going home means that Luke ends up getting a rose because this show never tires of torturing us.

What the hell is this
The last HOUR of the show then recaps the past 6 weeks. Recaps. You guys. In the middle of an episode. As if this show is SO COMPLEX that we need a reminder of the idiocy that has occurred. Making us endure past clips is like if you got your wisdom teeth out then went back to get them out again, except the teeth are gone and it’s just painful and pointless AND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US.

Anyway, we get to witness Chris Harrison acting as if he's Barbara Walters and just scored an exclusive interview with the president of Mars. This last hour would’ve been much more worthwhile had they just shown a montage of Mike pics, both shirtless and otherwise.

And that’s it! Bravo to this show for completely catfishing us this week. The preview for next week was probably the most exciting bit, so see you for that! Til then, find me setting up a slip-n-slide into Clay Harbor’s DMs (he’s single and headed to Bachelor in Paradise) and also on Twitter (@cocoakristis) and Instagram (@kristimac9).

Let's chat about The Bachelorette (Week 5)

This week's recap is brought to you by Hannah in a low ponytail making this face while having zero time for these wack ass Lukes and their wack ass ways.

This is exactly what all of us look like after we've allowed a guy to buy us a drink and would like for him to scamper away, but he doesn't, and instead rambles on about how he's an "entrepreneur."

To the wack ass Lukes...

A stupid conclusion to a stupid situation
We need a pooper scooper because this shit picks up right where it left off. Hannah asks the two Lukes to confront each other in front of her, which only leads to her making this face as they trade passive aggressive barbs:

During this group therapy session, Luke P. continues to be a literal sociopath and I would like to take Lil' Luke's side, but dear God that boy has such a punchable face. The tone of his lil' voice is just so condescending and I can imagine him saying "Do you even know who I am" to people.

A summary of the root issue for the Lukes, based on actual Luke P. quotes:

"Luke S. is not here for the right reasons"
*10 seconds later*
"I have no business judging whether or not you're here for the right reasons"

Ultimately, Hannah can only handle about 45 seconds of these idiots before walking out of the room and deciding she's ready to cut the evening short and get to the Rose Ceremony.

Before she can hand the first one out, Lil Luke decides to go home on his own because he has now mentioned his tequila company enough times to effectively launch an Instagram account. Neither Luke nor Hannah seems particularly upset about him leaving. And Chris Harrison comes to remove one of the roses, leading one of the geniuses in the group to offer an insightful analysis:

IF YOU SUBTRACT ONE, THERE IS ONE LESS. JOHN PAUL JONES IS BLOWN AWAY BY THE MATH.

Hannah returns and obviously gives Roid Rage Luke a rose, sending home John Paul Jones and Matteo (if this were a movie, these two would be credited as having non-speaking roles).

And because this show is one long case of food poisoning, Luke barfs up some more word vomit, offering a post-Rose Ceremony toast to the fellas who all hate him: "To finding your forever love and having the time of our lives on the hunt."

THE MOTHER FRACKING HUNT? Of course Luke says shit like this. When he does entrap some poor woman into marriage, I bet he'll be shocked that he doesn't get some sort of ownership certificate.

"I'll show her I'm her Braveheart"

Oh, I've got something I can show Mike.

Hot Mike gets the first one-on-one date after the group relocates from their Ramada Inn in Rhode Island to....Scotland! Because it's always important to take this shit show international.

Hannah tells him they're going to do "all of the Scottish things," which includes the following super traditional Scottish activities:

Trying on ugly hats:

Eating sour candy:

And this one is actually correct, drinking whiskey, which Hannah says gives her more "swaggy," a wildly Caucasian statement I am fully sidestepping:

Post-whiskey, Hannah is absolutely hammered. So naturally, they head to another bar to try haggis, because if there's anything a girl wants to do when she's drunk, it's eat meat comprised of sheep nose and face and ear cooked inside its own stomach. And our girl GOES IN on this weird ass meat (literal ass meat):

Once her breath is smelling completely of haggis, she gets serious with Mike, saying she's glad they've had this day to focus on their relationship without all of the outside noise (noise = Roid Rage Luke).

"I haven't been in love for almost half a decade"
This is Mike's dramatic way of saying it's been 5 years since he was in a serious relationship.

He is so nervous about sharing his feelings for Hannah and it's kind of adorable. He tells her he's 31 and has done a lot and knows who he is and is ready to get down on one knee in a few weeks. Which of course, he has known this girl for 5 weeks, engagement seems totally normal. I HATE THIS SHOW.

She thanks him for sharing and they kiss and I imagine Mike's lips feel like pillows and taste like pink Starbursts (the only Starbursts that matter) and wait, is this not my personal diary, sorry. He obviously gets a rose and FYI I have something else he can get (DON'T ACT SURPRISED, YOU KNEW I'D SAY THAT).

Now they're just taunting me

It's important to note that during their dinner, the producers have literally propped up that big ass piece of fish in the lower right corner, showcasing it like it's a prize on The Price is Right. DO THEY THINK THIS IS A GAME. Per usual, it goes untouched.

What is the temperature in this house

Why is Garrett wearing 14 layers.

"He's a big ass douche canoe"

I specifically used a screenshot with Devin's name as a reminder of who he is. Calling Luke P. a douche canoe is probably the most impactful thing he will do this season.

"Hannah was the only one who stuck her axe in the wood"
I am sparing you all the inapprop joke I could make here. For the group date, it's necessary to remind people that we're in Scotland, so Hannah enlists the help of some guys who were undoubtedly rejected extras from Game of Thrones:

Actually, they're probably production guys for the show who were forced to buy these outfits from Ralph Lauren and put on fake Scottish accents because there is no way in hell actual Scottish people are going to take part in this circus of a show.

Aside from construction worker Tyler, I'm pretty sure none of these men have ever held anything resembling an axe in their lives. So it makes sense to have them throw them! Look how adorable Peter is, giving it his all like this is a county fair and he'll win us a stuffed animal at the end:

There is then an egregious use of CGI as we're made to believe that Hannah lands the axe on the target on her first go:

To make this day even more offensive to actual Scottish people, the guys then change into kilts for the real competition that includes running with buckets of milk:

Jed decides that the best way to end the milk carrying competition is to douse himself with a bucket of it, bringing to life my slightly lactose intolerant nightmare.

Hannah comments how "sexy" this is which is quite possibly the last word I would use to describe a grown man showering himself with milk. Like, I love Jed, but I bet he smelled disgusting after this. And what should a sweaty guy who is now covered in milk do?

Why wrestle with the girl he likes, of course! I would vomit if I were Hannah. I imagine Jed smells like baby spit-up.

Later, during the evening portion of the date, Hannah punishes Jed's milky ways by suffocating him with her boobs:

Her dress really limits her ability to straddle him and they have this sort of awkward fumbling during which I was positive she would knee him in the balls.

Speaking of balls:

Peter pulls a move that I'm sure he saw in an episode of Grey's Anatomy or maybe that old classic film "American Pie." It's awkward at first, but since Peter is a character from a Netflix rom-com, it seems so sweet. They make-out on this pool table, which sounds hot and sexy in theory but is likely hard and uncomfortable in practice. Will let you know though after I get a chance to lift Peter onto a pool table.

To round out this trifecta of make-outs, Hannah lets Tyler know she has "a surprise" for him, which ends up being this:

She surprises him with a bed make-out session and he is ecstatic, proving that we really don't need to be surprising dudes with actual presents ever.

Ultimately, Jed curdles the competition and gets the group date rose.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch
Luke P. and Mike have a great time bonding and by "bonding" I mean Mike confronts Luke once again about being an asshole. Apparently no one has learned that Luke is incapable of reason, has really terrible eyebrows and most importantly, wears ugly ass clothes like this weird snakeskin looking Under Armor pullover:

It's common knowledge that you can't reason with a man who voluntarily wears shit like this.

Later, while they're silently staring at each other, Luke's one-on-one date card arrives.

For some reason, these date cards always remind me of shots from the hit drama series, "Blue's Clues." Like, the writing on these is always the same and always kind of quirky and Comic Sans'y. I'm just waiting for the date card to be this:

Lukeness Monster
Based on Hannah's Blue's Clue, she chooses Luke for a one-on-one so they can sort out their situation. And where is the best place to spend alonetime with a psychopath? Atop some cliffs!

She's upfront with him, asking why the other guys hate him. And instead of being honest and saying it's because he's a douche canoe, Luke rambles on and on about how the other Lil Luke wasn't here for the right reasons. When that is literally not what she asked about. This is like when you don't know the answer to a test question, but do know about the habits of otters and manage to produce a complete essay on otters when the actual question was about World War II. I never did this, I'm just saying that sometimes people do that.

Hannah calls him out again on this weird disconnect between what she's hearing from the other guys and what Luke is telling her, leading him to confidently share that in every other setting, everyone LOVES him. I don't have a screenshot of Hannah's reaction because she turned away from the camera, so I'll let unemployed guy (I literally do not know his name) speak for all of us:

She again tries to get him to be an actual human with emotions, asking how it makes him feel that the other guys don't like him. And he again short circuits and tells her that it doesn't affect him. And he wants to give her clarity. Which actually, Hannah does get some clarity as is seen in this exact moment:

This is the face of a woman who is clearly ready to send a dude home, but the producers won't let her.

"I don't know what I want, let's go look at this castle"
After getting fed up with Luke's inability to even slightly pretend to be human, Hannah walks away to think for a bit. Which includes chatting with the producers to let them know she doesn't know what to do next.

What I'm sure is cut out of this voyeuristic shot is Hannah pleading with the producers to let her leave this horrible date. Alas, the show is a hamster wheel that she can never get off. So she settles for going to look at this nearby castle because that is the natural consolation prize in a situation such as this.

Later, this uncomfortable marathon continues during dinner. A summary of their conversation:

Hannah: Today blew and I am outright telling you you're on thin ice
Luke P.: I have to be honest with you, I have this weird feeling that today blew and I'm on thin ice

She shares that she's looking for a "real man with flaws" and he says he's been trying to be so perfect (LOLOL wut) and it's been hard to let loose because of all the dudes hating him. He then diverts the conversation back to Hannah, saying he loves every single thing about her. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. To which she says:

Homegirl is over it. After giving him 389 chances to show even a salt pinch of human emotion, Hannah has had enough and tells Luke she can't give him a rose. And as a collective human race, we all cheered.

And that's it! I'm sure this isn't the last we'll see of Roid Rage Luke based on who he is and also because he's in the previews saying "This isn't the last you'll see of me." So see you and Luke next week! Til then, find me staring at photos of Keanu Reeves as I try to figure out if I'm attracted to him and also on Twitter (@cocoakristis) and Instagram (@kristimac9).