Shit Chloe Says

During a discussion regarding how we put on our bras, this little gem came about.  I'll give you no further context, and just leave it open to interpretation:

"If you have boobs in the front, you can't have boobs in the back."

Winning -- Women's Soccer Edition

So back in April, it was announced that the Men's and Women's National Soccer teams were receiving new uniforms.  Makeover!  They made their luxurious debut at the Olympics this past weekend.  And while being criticized as looking like "Where's Waldo" and a remix of Paraguay's uniform, I happen to like them.

For some reason, when I think of soccer on the grand scheme of things, grand scheme being everywhere else in the world aside from America, uniforms with stripes seem to appear more legit.  Sorry bout it.  That's just the way it works.  FC Barcelona?  STRIPES.  Argentina's National Team?  STRIPES.  Really, I'm just declaring the teams Messi plays for to be absolutely legitimate.  You get the picture.

Anyway, in regards to the above picture, this is what winning truly looks like.  Please note how all of the ladies are all smiling as if to say "Woo! We're excited! We're at the Olympics!"  Meanwhile, Hope Solo says, "Bitch, I'm at the Olympics."  Tyra taught her how to smize apparently.

Actually, in regards to what winning looks like, please refer to these genius snapshots from the match against Colombia:

It's gotta be the neon green cleats.  When I grow up I want to be Alex Morgan.

Literally a photo of Abby Wambach scoring the second goal of the match.  Not gonna lie, mostly including this photo because look at the hair on the player from Colombia.  It's like a magical unicorn mane.

Laura Cheney just wants to be your FRAAAAND.

Sidenote, in case you didn't know because you're living under Patrick's rock, the US won 3-0.  Just the norm.

Shit Chloe Says

Me: "Yeah, so anyway, they kind of call her 'Skeletor' as a nick-name."

Chloe: "Oh my God.  I would never want to be called Skeletor.  I mean, unless I was really skinny, in which case I'd be like 'OH HAYYY, I'M SKELETOR.'"

Own it.

My First Love

Brace yourselves, things are about to get serious.

I felt it was about time that you readers knew who my first love was.  I find this to be a critical aspect to any blogger/reader relationship.  So you can fully understand where my high standards for the opposite sex originated from.

So, here he is:

THAT'S RIGHT, FREDDIE PRINZE JR.  

I first fell in love with FPJ (my pet name for him) in elementary school, the height of said love was probably around sixth grade.  Remember back in the day when all of those extremely-cheesy teen movies were rolling out non-stop?  I mean, at an alarming rate.  Well, the king of said movies was non other than this smoking hot piece of man.  Forget actual acting abilities, those are not important.  In fact, it actually pained me to watch him act in a majority of his movies.  Thankfully though, his face made up for the searing pain.  

May we remember such cult classics as "She's All That" and "Down to You"?  DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.  "She's All That" especially.  I think TBS has some sort of special connection with it, because it's on TV literally once a week.  Alternating with "Mean Girls."  Apparently a bunch of teen girls run TBS.  Perhaps I should look into employment there, with people of my intellect level.

Anyway, in quite a few of his movies, he played the same character.  The good-looking, sensitive high-school athlete with a tortured soul.  Needless to say, in real life, boys in high school are nothing like FPJ.  Far from it.  You will not meet a soccer player who looks like him.  DREAMS, CRUSHED.

Let us not forget that this beautiful man-specimen is married to the following:

Oh my goodness! I can so see the appeal! NOT.  Let's just say that the day they got married was a dark day in my life.  I find comfort in the fact that she's merely a placeholder though.  You know how golfers put down those little dots on the green to mark where their ball is?  Right, she is that little dot.  I'm the actual ball.

Sidenote, I'm actually exercising quite a bit of restraint here by not making inappropriate jokes.  You're welcome for my self-censorship.

Anyway.  While his actual acting career may have peaked with those "I Know What You Did Last Summer" movies, I'm okay with that.  I think when we get married, I'll recall to the press about how those movies made me love him when I was younger.  Kind of like how Katie Holmes used to have a crush on Tom Cruise.  Except, FPJ will not go crazy and will not be involved in some sort of Seahorse-Spaceship religion.  Guaranteed.

Let me conclude this insightful life post by requesting that you don't tell Zefron about FPJ.  I don't want it to be a dealbreaker should he propose first.  You understand.  

Shit Chloe Says

I love opening my GMail to see these missed GChat messages:

Chloe:  "Hello!!"
Chloe:  "Are you there?"
Chloe:  "I know you are there"
Chloe:  "I see FBook activity"

And sometimes, if the Chloe realizes I can't talk on GChat at work, but for some reason Facebook Chat works, she will say the following:

"I will wait for you on the Facebook."

Go find your own stalker, Chloe is taken.

Deep Thoughts On ... Pretty Little Liars

As you have probably realized by now, I have the media taste of a 14-year-old girl.  Thus, a series like "Pretty Little Liars" of course appeals to me.  Drama! High School! Gee golly, a novel of a concept! I joke, but I really do like the show.  Maybe this is why I have trouble forming an appreciation for a sophisticated show about adults with relatable storylines like HBO's "Girls" (which, by the way, based on the advice of my friend Greg, I kept watching.  Second review to come later).  Right, so, I've been getting caught up on on the newest season that started a few weeks ago and thought I'd share with you some deep, thought-provoking thoughts that the show makes me ponder.  (Yes, I said thought-provoking thoughts.)

Apparently, they cannot afford electricity.
Which is odd, since, like in every other dream-world teen drama, all of their parents are pretty rich.  So then, why, I must ask, do they insist on doing everything in the dark?  I mean, I know when I'm snooping through my psychologist's desk drawers or hacking into my principal's computer, I like to have some lights on.  So I can properly see how to handle things.  This was also noticed by my Mom, who greatly dislikes the show, who stated, "Those girls are silly.  Why are they always running around in the dark?"  Preach, girl.  Which, running in the dark is hard.  And they're always in situations where they have to run in the dark through the woods or through a graveyard.  Really?  If I ever had to run through anywhere in the dark, you better believe I'd have flashlights, lamps, and the Bat signal attached to my body.

And what is with the power always getting cut off?  And then, after the lights in their house "suddenly" shuts off, they just wander around in the dark, asking why the lights are off.  Bitch, please.  One time in high school I came home after it was dark and the power was off.  I literally stood outside (you know, plenty of witnesses) and called my parents repeatedly.  Let me note, they were attending a mandatory parents meeting for my senior trip.  BUT LISTEN, THE POWER WAS OUT.  THERE COULD'VE BEEN MURDERERS LURKING.  OR GHOSTS.  OR MADONNA.  Anyway, I essentially begged them to come home and waited outside until they arrived.  You know, much safer that way.

Lucy Hale continues to be on my Mortal Enemies List.
As I have previously noted, Lucy Hale, who plays as Aria on the show, is atrocious.  My great disdain for her is mostly rooted in the fact that she LOST THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS, PANTS.  Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.  It was a pivotal moment in history.  In Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, when they all get to Greece, fracking Lucy Hale shows up in her atrociousness and admits that she lost the pants.  THE MAGICAL PANTS.  That bitch.  AND, to make matters worse, NO ONE PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE.  Listen, all I'm saying is that if me and my friends found a pair of magical jeans that fit all of us perfectly then someone lost them, I'd punch Lucy Hale in the face.  Even though she wouldn't have lost the pants in the situation, I'd still punch her.  It seems right.

I want all of Spencer Hastings wardrobe.
So, in the show, Spencer is sort of the alpha-female or HBIC if you will.  And what does every HBIC need?  An intricately fashionable wardrobe.  What's most interesting about her clothes is that she sort of dresses like a hip old woman who occasionally gets high. Medicinally, of course.  Lots of high waisted shorts with belts and chiffon tops.  I approve.  And plenty of cardigans and sweater vests.  WHATEVER, I love a good sweater vest.

Shay Mitchell has the best hair, ever.
No really.  And as someone who went to high school with a high percentage of Asians, I'd say I'm a pretty fair judge of hair.  Unfortunately, luxuriously silky Asian hair is yet another Asian feature I do not hold.  This could be in part to the years of hair straightening and having a White last name.  Anyway, if there was a way for me to go to the salon and get a Shay-perm, which would consist of making my hair look like hers, I would.  Maybe this is something she should consider marketing.  Since I know she obviously reads this blog, heed my advice, Shay.

Wearing a black hoodie like "A" does makes you superhuman.
There is an episode where Hanna literally hits "A" with her car.  I mean hits her.  And "A" just runs off like nothing happened.  Obviously the black hoodie she wears gives her superhuman strength while also acting as super-durable body armor.  Also, "A" is able to follow them around without them noticing.  Even through the woods.  Have you ever tried to sneak around in the woods when there's leaves on the ground?  You're about as unnoticeable as an elephant.

And thus, these are my thoughts.  I hope these thought-provoking thoughts on Pretty Little Liars proved to be thought-provoking for you.  Now I'm off to complete my plan of how to punch Lucy Hale in the face.  Toodaloo!

Ear Candy

FINALLY a new Passion Pit single.  Kind of a cool concept for a video.  Though, in the beginning, I would've gone with a dachshund instead of a beagle.  Let's be honest.


I'd like to note, I am still disgruntled over Passion Pit performing at UNC's Homecoming the year AFTER I graduated.  What is this nonsense?  I will forgive you, UNC, in time.  Til then though, I just continually watch this vid that my friend Sammi took of the concert.  You know, vicariously living through her.
.