What did we learn from the 2020 Emmys?

It is (apparently) awards season, again! Because there's nothing we all needed more than to witness a giant Zoom meeting with 100 celebs. 

For this year's virtual event, nominees were sent "DIY video kits" to set up in their homes, which means there are hundreds of personal assistants who are now experts in A/V tech support. This also means we got to see who among the Hollywood bunch pays for actual good internet service and who is just using spoons taped to each other aimed at the sky.

Upfront I'll tell you the biggest takeaway of the evening was Laura Dern did not win an Emmy from home and neither did I, so we finally have something in common. 

Now, let's get into it!

Things I enjoyed

1)  ZENDAYA'S WIN!!!

If you've learned one thing from this blog, it's that I like to get unreasonably emotionally invested in celebrity matters. For the Emmys, I invested all of my energy into Zendaya needing to win lead actress in a drama. And she did it! Youngest Emmy winner EVER in the category! I didn't write an honors thesis in college so this is about to be it. No one gave a better dramatic performance this year than Zendaya did in "Euphoria." The range. How she was completely Rue, inside and out. How "Euphoria" made me feel unbelievably anxious for an entire season in large part thanks to her acting (and also Jacob Elordi's scarily convincing turn as a violent, unpredictable terror). 

The category was pretty stacked and not to get on the shitting-on-Ozark train, but I am the conductor so, I was VERY worried they'd give the award to Laura Linney instead. In terms of rankings, she was at the bottom of my list and these shows LOVE to award whoever is ranked last on Kristi's list, so it was a substantiated worry. But the award went to *GASP* the actress who actually deserved it! A novel concept!

2)  Regina King continuing her awards show reign

After Schitt's dominated the comedy categories, we.....watched.....the limited series awards rack up for "Watchmen" (I know you're cracking up at that, thanks). The show won 11 Emmys, of course including Regina King for lead actress and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II for supporting actor. And while we know Regina King can do it all, let's just take a look at the receipts of her greatness because it's fun (thanks to Erik Davis): 

• 2015: Emmy for "American Crime"
• 2016: Emmy for "American Crime"
• 2018: Emmy for "Seven Seconds"
• 2019: Oscar for "If Beale Street Could Talk"
  
• 2020: Emmy for "Watchmen"

3)  "Schitt's Creek," an ACTUAL comedy, winning all of the comedy Emmys

And I mean ALL of them. A total of 9 awards, it's the most a comedy has ever won in a single year. The entire first hour of the show was just a Real Housewives of Schitt's Creek reunion (minus Andy Cohen) with every cast member accepting awards. They swept awards in all four acting categories (the first show, comedy or drama, to ever do it) plus awards for directing and writing. Like damn Emmys, calm down, we get it. You liked the final season. (I'm also quietly whispering that I was a little disappointed "The Good Place" got nothing, especially D'Arcy Carden.) 

Schitt's winning so much was shocking purely because the Television Academy LOVES to give comedy awards to shows that are NOT comedies. As the self-appointed lifeguard monitoring the pool of comedies, I'll admit there's definitely a range of depth when it comes to comedy. So we have shows like "The Big Bang Theory" in the shallow end, shows like Schitt's somewhere in the middle and shows like "Insecure" in the deep end. And then you have shows like "Dead to Me" and "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" that aren't even at the pool. In fact, they've never seen a pool, so when they get recognized as the best pool goers it boggles my mind. The point here is it's good to see a show from the actual pool party win it all.

4)  Uzo Aduba winning supporting actress in a limited series for playing Shirley Chisholm in "Mrs. America" 

I love her and while I have never legally acquired an Emmy, I have yelled the same sentiment to my mom after winning a level of Candy Crush (back when that was a thing), so I felt a kinship to her reaction. 

5) "Succession" dominating the drama categories

The show won 7 Emmys, including best drama, which more importantly means we got to hear the theme song play 7 times. It is, hands down, the best TV theme song ever (just edging out TLC's "All That" theme), so much so that when I binged the first two seasons, I sat through the opening credits every time. Music aside, this past season was actually a real...Roy'llercoaster (lollllllll)...that ended with a wild ass finale. The fact that HBO has "Succession" AND "Watchmen" AND "Insecure" AND "This May Destroy You," I mean phew. There's a reason they won the most awards of any network (and they probably will next year too).

Things I did not enjoy

1)  Jimmy Kimmel's hosting. We've gone without a lot of things in 2020, but ABC wanted to ensure we did not have to go without some Jimmy Kimmel. Similar to an acquaintance (not even a friend) coming over to your house and clogging your toilet, his entire presence was just unnecessarily shitty. And because I'm a problem solver, I've compiled a list of things we could've filled the time with instead:

• This live cam of sea otters at the Monterey Bay Aquarium
• This Blackpink music video on loop
• Tina and Amy's opening monologue from the 2013 Golden Globes
• This 12-hour fireplace YouTube video
• Honestly, a blank screen

2)  Anything involving "Ozark" because as a reminder, I still refuse to watch it. Sorry. I would rather watch a potato cook in the microwave. And why such a strong negative reaction? It's the Bateman factor. Anytime I watch him in anything, I can't NOT make a "does something smell" face. And those are facial lines I cannot afford these days. Also if I want to watch a dysfunctional white family doing crimes, I will watch "Succession," thanks.

3)  Billy Crudup breaking up the "Succession" streak by winning the Emmy for supporting actor in a drama. Even though he went to UNC, I cannot stand this man. Y'all remember in the early 00s when he ABANDONED his then-six-months pregnant girlfriend Mary Louise-Parker for Clare Danes?? If you don't remember, don't worry I do and I'm holding a grudge for all of us. The point is he has a history of breaking up things, so let's just throw this man straight in the trash. 

Things I'm unsure about

Can you even believe I've gone almost an entire post without objectifying a few men while wavering about if I should date them? Right well we've reached that part of the post now. If y'all could help me decide here, that'd be great.

Jeremy Strong, yes or yes?

He continued his awards show tradition of wearing ill fitting, fugly brown suits, but this year added an extra pop of brown with an unnecessary scarf. No one has confused my senses more. Sometimes I find him really attractive? And other times, I'm like why are his shoulders so small? As you can imagine, watching "Succession" took a real emotional toll on me because I was constantly flip flopping on if I should consider dating him. And to respond to what you're thinking, yes I agree I am a complex thinker capable of absorbing a tv show WHILE making totally real life relationship decisions.

Paul Mescal, yes or yes please?

I think I have a clearer answer on this one and it's that I find Connell on "Normal People" attractive, but not necessarily Paul Mescal. Which speaking of, if you're trying to feel depressed for an entire afternoon (because you'll definitely binge the show all at once), I highly recommend the series. And then you'll understand why there is an entire Twitter account dedicated to Connell's chain. The bottomline here is after staring at this screenshot, it turns out I would in fact like to date him. He has a plant! What a responsible man.

Wrapping up this section by clarifying that despite my public show of indecisiveness, there is a 140% chance I would marry both of these men. They get that good TV money and could fund my wiener dog habit.

And that's it! Jimmy Kimmel aside, the show didn't go as terribly as I expected. And in terms of actual award winners, this was one of the best years for both me and also my neighbors who did not have to endure my reactionary intermittent screeching.

Speaking of screeching, yet another thing no one needs is returning — the Bachelorette! See you all soon for that!