What did we learn from the 2019 SAG Awards?

If every other awards show is a crock pot meal that takes HOURS to finish, the SAG Awards are Chipotle. In and out (both the restaurant and your body) in a short period of time and extremely satisfying. There is no real red carpet show (sorry "People TV" hosting a pre-show on Twitter) and they are REALLY on time. I love a good case of efficiency.

So let's jump in!

Standard yelling about Gemma Chan

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Ummm who gave Gemma Chan the right to make everyone else at this show look like a bridge troll? Can you guys believe she invented pink dresses? I'm screaming. I have never wanted to buy a dress that seems to be made of parrot or flamingo or flamingo parrot more in my life. But wait! It gets better:

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THIS B JUST STYLED HER HAIR IN A LOW, MESSY PONYTAIL. How does she even do it. Anytime I wear a low ponytail I look like a colonial man. Okay and I cannot even get into a scream thesis about her brows because this post will go on forever. The overall point here (and in all of my awards show posts this season) is Gemma Chan is flawless and we are all just raccoons digging in the garbage in comparison.

And I will never forgive the SAG Awards for seating her at the backend of the "Crazy Rich Asians" table.

Like, who is that woman at the front? And why is Eddie Huang also near the front? And why is Henry Golding wearing that fugly bronze-colored jacket? Everything is terrible. And GChan is so far back that she had to raise her arms when I yelled from my living room "WHERE IS GEMMA CHAN?"

BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE.

The SAG Awards introduced this group as "the cast of Crazy Rich Asians" and yet, NO GEMMA CHAN IS ANYWHERE ON THAT STAGE. And maybe you're thinking "Well stop screaming Kristi, it's just the film's leads who are up there" BUT WRONG AGAIN, YOU WRONGASAURUS REX. Ken Jeong is by no means one of the "stars" of the movie.

Okay we have to move on, why do you all insist I yell about this topic so much.

When your parents make you come to an awards show

Lil' Timothee Chalamet in the background actually reading the program they hand out while his parents, John Krasinski and Emily Blunt, remind us that we are obsessed with them. Do you think their house is just a bunch of mirrors? Because I know if I were them, I would just want to see us all the time. There's a saying that "God doesn't give with both hands" but in their case, he gave with both hands and feet and threw in all of the good stuff brewing in the back.

Emily won female actor in a supporting role for "The Quiet Place" and when she thanked John, HE STARTED CRYING:

And I did too, both for the emotion and also for that piece of fish in the background that he seems to have not finished. I can literally taste the lemon pepper just looking at it.

"I need all of you in this room for inspiration"

I assume by "this room" Mahershala means my apartment and by "all of you" he means me and all my chins eating this Chinese takeout in sweatpants. Mahershala accepted male actor in a supporting role for "Green Book" wearing this fine ass maroon suit and look, am I saying that we used to date? Yes. That is exactly what I'm saying and what my resume reflects so please tell everyone.

Twinsters

Darren Criss is just Jesse Bradford had his career materialized past "Bring It On." Darren won the award for male actor in a TV movie or miniseries for "Assassination of Gianni Versace" and I'm pretty sure Jesse Bradford won a Teen Choice Award at some point in his life so they're on pretty equal ground.

Rachel Brosnahan looking just like Kacey Musgraves, who history books have told us invented the middle part. Rachel and Mrs. Maisel swept the comedy awards and I'm not diving into my dissatisfaction with that again, but rather, I'd like to offer something positive:

UMMM RACHEL BROSNAHAN'S HUSBAND IS FINE AS HELL. With his little Clark Kent glasses. And that's it. That's my huge compliment for Mrs. Maisel.

Can you guys let me know

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This is Adam Driver's performance of me trying to decide if I like Adam Driver. I'm having such an internal struggle — is he good looking? Is there something goofy about him? Should I date him just to find out? STAY TUNED.

Obligatory "OMG IT'S ANDREA FROM 90210" moment

When I see her, I immediately hear that electric guitar of 90210's opening song. Who would have guessed Andrea Zuckerman would go from being editor of the school newspaper to being president of SAG-AFTRA? Some high schools' career prep classes are just way better than others I guess.

Here's the thing about Amy Adams

She's kind of like the baked chicken of awards show season. Always on the menu but never something you're like OMG THE BAKED CHICKEN IS AMAZING about because baked chicken in its essence can not be amazing. It is reliably good. And that's it. Anyway, baked chicken lost again this year, but we'll see her at the Oscars and probably every year she does a movie until they finally decide enough is enough and give her an award (à la Leo DiCaprio).

And here's the thing about Sandra Oh

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WE DON'T DESERVE HER. And she obviously won female actor in a drama series. And she is the only one who can pull off a bun and 80s wavy bangs.

Trust no bitch

I think I've made it very clear to you and my therapist that I have a hard time distinguishing TV from reality. So you can understand why I hate Joseph Fiennes, aka, THE MOFO COMMANDER FROM "A HANDMAID'S TALE." Doesn't it just look like he's making some sort of creepy "MMMM" noise? He looks like he whispers a lot. And has really soft hands, but in a creepy way. Let's just all just agree to stay away from him.

Oh, come on Mandy

So "This Is Us" won the award for ensemble in a drama series meaning Mandy Moore got a microphone and what did she do with that time, might you ask? Well, she did not do what we were all hoping she would — give us an acoustic performance of "Candy." Or honestly, we would've welcomed any of the emotional songs from "A Walk to Remember" or that one song from "Center Stage" OR WAIT. No, she should've revived this bop:

Y'ALL. I just watched this video in its entirety for the first time in at least 15 years and I'm dying. That hair. The outfits. Based on the supreme acting exhibited in this, we should've known she was bound for greatness.

Still eating that Lifesaver

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I have now accepted the fact that I would like for Rami Malek to stalk me. That is how every great love story begins. I bet I would wake up so many times to find him watching me sleep and he'd be like "I like watching you breathe" and I'd be like "Omg babe, so cute, love you too" and we'd live creepily ever after.

Also he won male actor in a leading role and I have a feeling he'll win the Oscar. My lil' creep boo!

Speaking of the men in my life

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Michael B. Jordan showed up in this floral Louis Vuitton harness over an impeccably fitted navy suit and what's important to note about this fashion situation is: This man could wear a tank top made of shredded carrots and I'd be like CARROTS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR EYES. Wait, wow that worked out well. It's like he pulled up to the show and someone at the entrance lied to him and said everyone was required to wear a harness to get in. But again, I don't hate it because clothes of every material were made to be worn by Michael B. Jordan. In fact, I myself am a T-shirt so does anyone know how I can get to his house.

And that's it! A solid 2-hour show. If you want a full list of the actual winners, you can find them here.

See y'all tomorrow for fodder on The Bachelor! Til then, find me taking all of the pretzel samples from Auntie Anne's and also on Twitter (@cocoakristis) and Instagram (@kristimac9).

What did we learn from the 2019 Golden Globe Awards?

Welcome to awards show season! Aka the period of time in my life where my emotions are either extreme happiness or extreme anger with no in-between because I don't half-ass, I full ass everything. The Golden Globes remain the most entertaining because they cover movies and TV and more importantly, all of the celebs are boozed up on 7,500 glasses of champagne.

Ahead of the main event, I wanted to simulate the feeling of slamming my hand in a door, so I watched 100 hours of E!'s red carpet pre-show. Long lasting pain only topped by:

Cheers to another year of Rancic torturing us! Wait you know what, it's a new year and I'm mature and thoughtful and not up to trash talking her and...

Haha jk I absolutely am because she looks like what would happen if a bunch of Claire's jewelry came to life. Do you even think she remembers what her natural skin tone looks like?

And don't worry! Seacrest was on his usual BS. I'll let my friends Michael & Lupita, Julia and Timothee show us the three stages of talking with him:

1) You realize you're an accomplished actor in a designer outfit at a swanky affair talking to a scrub.
2) You realize he is asking you something dumb like, if pigeons drink gin is it just called pigin?
3) You realize you should probably fight him.

To better things...

Best dressed

OBVIOUSLY. I screamed. Something that my new neighbors were absolutely not prepared for. Y'ALL. GEMMA CHAN IS WEARING SHORTS UNDER A GOWN. I SCREAM. We all love a queen who is prepared to drop down and get her eagle on (hi Nelly) without showing her eagle. Also this color is gorgeous on her. AND POCKETS! I heard she ripped off the gown part during the after party when the DJ played Rihanna. Quote me.

Everything in this photo. The entire cast of "Black Panther" is pretty flawless. To be completely honest, Lupita Nyong'o could wear a sweater made of mustard stains and she'd look like a supermodel. Also, for FYI purposes, Michael B. Jordan is gesturing to me about how large the ring box will be when he proposes, thank you all for noticing.

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THIIIIIIIIIS BITCH. Rosamund Pike showed up wearing some sort of vampire ballerina gown complemented by a choker and a jacket made of shattered disco ball. AND a middle part! Honestly, a part of me kind of thinks Rosamund IS her character from "Gone Girl" and that terrifies me slightly but is always what I look for in favorite actresses. And full disclosure, if Anne Hathaway or Amy Adams showed up in this, I would hate it. They just don't have the Pike appeal. Ending this by saying I have Michael Phelps shoulders that should easily support a draped jacket look, but in a shocking turn of events, they don't. It's my cross to bear. Bare? Bear? Beer?

Best moment

If you are a tasteless person who hates laughing, you probably haven't seen "The Good Place," which Jameela Jamil is in. Her character's name is Tahani Al-Jamil and long story short, she lives in the shadow (hi Ashlee Simpson) of her sister Kamilah. Quick gif because it's mandatory:

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So whoever at E! either purposely or accidentally typed her name as "Kamilah" should be promoted. I could not stop laughing. And calm down, Jameela of course found it hilarious:

From her Twitter

Wait back to Gemma Chan

Y'all, when she first appeared on screen in "Crazy Rich Asians" I audibly gasped. I haven't been so surprised by someone's beauty since I saw myself in the mirror for the first time after straightening my hair in 9th grade. And no matter how many times I see her, and by "see her," I mean creep on her Instagram, I can't help but be completely blown away by the fact that THIS IS WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. LIKE, THIS IS HER FACE ALL THE TIME. 

It's mind boggling that on one end of the human woman spectrum is me and the other is Gemma Chan. Can you believe. And I'm not saying that I think I'm ugly (my mom says I have a really great personality), I'm saying that it's crazy I have basically the same internal situation going on as her. Like, we're probably 80% the same right. But holy shit, that 20% makes a huge difference.

Okay, back to the Globes. A summary of important statistics from the evening:

- Number of times Gemma Chan was shown on-screen: 3

- Number of times I screamed "SHOW GEMMA CHAN!": 4,567

Here are those three moments:

To clarify, that sun wasn't even out, this brightness is just shining out of her. That blonde assistant can't even look at her without squinting BECAUSE GEMMA CHAN IS THE SUN. Also who is that Asian man with the chiseled jaw next to her? Asking for a friend. Also, is her hair just literally a low messy bun, HOW DOES SHE DO IT.

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And here she is on the red carpet showing that her dress has pockets because if you wear a dress with pockets and don't constantly point out the pockets, does the dress even have pockets? I know I mentioned this earlier, but I screamed. And I'm screaming just re-watching this.

And here is a voyeuristic, creep shot of her during the show sitting next to Laura Harrier. That's right. I could tell it was Laura Harrier just by half of her face. Some people are good at stupid things like math and science. I'm skilled at identifying celebrities in dark, blurry screenshots. 

Here we Ga-go

This is probably unpopular opinion, but I do not understand the hype around "A Star is Born." It's the FOURTH time this movie has been made and if we've learned anything from the Spider-Man franchise, it's that things do not get better if you keep remaking them. Kind of like burnt cookies. They won't get better if you put them back in the oven again and again.

The storyline is so simple (A rock star has a drug/alcohol problem! A woman's love might save him! It's tumultuous!) and Bradley Cooper looks sweaty and dirty and mumbles through 104% of it. Honestly, the best part is when Gaga's character becomes a pop star (aka Gaga) and performs these sell-out pop songs THAT ARE ALL BOPS. 

Luckily, the HFPA agreed and only awarded best original song to Gaga (and Mark Ronson) for "Shallow."

I was hoping should would be in usual Gaga form and wear fried chicken or a hot air balloon, but nope.

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Instead, her brought along her serious actress persona, which is that of a high school drama kid who only speaks in run-on sentences and metaphors and has "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" in her email signature. Like girl, you aren't some shy, unknown actress who was plucked from obscurity - you gave us Bad Romance! This isn't new! You walked a red carpet inside an egg once! So I'm not buying this awkward Joey Potter thing she's doing.

Wait, Steve Carrell

All I'm saying is if he weren't happily married and were on a dating app where older men are looking for sugar babies, I would look into it. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.

ACTUAL TEARS

I don't know if it's seasonal depression or residual emotions from watching "Dumplin," but I burst into tears when Sandra Oh won best actress in a drama series. An actress of Asian descent hasn't won the category in 39 years! And her precious parents were there and she thanked them and I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING:

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Growing up, there were next to no characters on TV who looked like me. Like, the first person I can remember latching on to was Jamie Chung from The Real World: San Diego. Remember her. When she wasn't drunk while dressed up as Eve (of the former couple Adam and Eve), she had a strained relationship with her Korean mom because she didn't speak Korean and her mom didn't speak English. Anyway, it's refreshing and amazing and every other adjective associated with face wash to see Asian actors and actresses in leading roles that aren't MTV reality shows.

To bring this full circle, we'll never know why I cried.

Next year's hosts
I actually really enjoyed Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg, but I'm glad we found our hosts for next year:

And just for FYI, their names are not Screenplay and Motion Picture, but that would be pretty funny. Amy and Maya 2020!

Who is this and why was she invited

Look, even Swifty knows she shouldn't be there. Here she is taking a nap while Gaga accepts her award. NO RESPECT. 

Boyfriends section

I would listen to Mahershala Ali read the nutrition facts on Pop-Tarts because both are unbelievably sweet (see what I did there).

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I have actually already imagined my meet cute with him and it goes like this: I am a goofy, New York dog walker who somehow affords to live in a one-bedroom loft in Soho. He is Mahershala Ali. One day while walking some of my clients (they're all wiener dogs, btw), I trip and fall into marriage with him. That's it, the end.

Can you believe Michael B. Jordan invented the double breasted suit. He actually makes my pupils dilate because I think my brain is like OH GIRL LEMME GET A BETTER LOOK.
You know how cheesy rom-coms have that moment where the girl is looking at art or something and says "It's beautiful" and the guy says "Yeah, beautiful" except he's staring at the girl? That shit is dumb. But if Michael B. Jordan said it, I'm pretty sure my soul would depart my body.

And of course the borderline creepy love of my life, Rami Malek. I love how he always looks like he's trying to hide the fact that he's eating a Lifesaver:

And here he is realizing that the Lifesaver he's been eating is a sour one instead of a regular one:

I imagine Rami is the type of boyfriend who would write me love letters and sign them with actual blood, which I guess is the real measure of love.

SECTION WHERE I YELL ABOUT THE GOOD PLACE

Next to Veep, The Good Place is the best comedy on television. I SAID IT AND I DON'T REGRET IT. And what group best understands comedy? The Hollywood Foreign Press Association of course (not). Members of the HFPA are actually somewhat of a mystery, I guess to avoid ridicule after making stupid choices like naming "The Kaminsky Method" as best comedy series and Rachel Brosnahan as best actress in a comedy series.

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I never miss an opportunity to reiterate that The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is not funny. It's not a comedy. It's more of a drama with comedic undertones (and by "undertones" I mean all of Alex Borstein's lines). The only award Rachel Brosnahan should be winning is for when she played that dramatic prostitute on "House of Cards" (REMEMBER HOW KOOKOO HER RELATIONSHIP WITH DOUG WAS?). Mrs. Maisel would be infinitely better if instead of Rachel Brosnahan, it starred Kristen Bell. And instead of Alex Borstein, it was Jameela Jamil. And instead of being The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel it was The Good Place. Fixed it!

"The Kaminsky Method" won the comedy series category. Who has even heard of, let alone watched that. I bet if we polled the world, more people have watched season 8, episode 10 of "Friends" than 10 seconds of "The Kaminsky Method." 

JUSTICE FOR THE GOOD PLACE.

#Krabluntski

As far as I know, there has been three true love stories in the history of time:

1) My parents 

2) Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams (rip)

3) Emily Blunt and John Krasinski

Sometimes I actually think it's outright rude how wildly good looking they are. And in a dramatic turn of events, they're both talented and hilarious. And they seem super down to earth. Like I bet Emily has stood in front of the cheese section at Trader Joe's debating between mild cheddar and sharp cheddar. And John has gotten confused about using lay, laid and layed (THEY'RE CONFUSING, OK). Anyway, Emily (who was nominated) presented with Dick Van Dyke and this was John while she was onstage:

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Long live Miranda Priestley's assistant and Jim Halpert.

"Thank you ma' bitches"

Olivia Colman is more than we deserve. She won best actress in a drama for "The Favourite" and while I haven't seen the movie yet, I have seen this clip which I think perfectly justifies her win:

She was legitimately grateful and modest during her acceptance speech and used part of the time to thank Melissa McCarthy for bringing ham sandwiches to the event and then part of it to say "thank you to my bitches," aka Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz. Here's her entire speech because it's worthwhile:

While we're on the topic of Olivia Colman's bitches, I need to address Emma Stone yelling "I'm sorry!" after Sandra Oh's joke about how there hasn't been an Asian in a leading role since "Ghost in the Shell" (ScarJo) and "Aloha" (Emma Stone). As the self-appointed spokesperson for Asians, I would like to say that we forgive Emma Stone.

But let it be known that we do not, and will never, forgive Scarlett Johansson for anything ever. 

That feeling when you know no one knows how old you are

I have received confirmation from several research scientists that Lucy Liu stopped aging at 25. She just woke up one morning, looked at her reflection and said "This will do" and that was it.

Reminder: Jeff Bridges' best movie is "Stick It"

Jeff Bridges won the Cecil B. DeMille award (what Oprah won last year) and they showed a retrospective of his films, which, while I'm not the biggest Jeff Bridges fan, I am THE BIGGEST fan of highlight reels. Like, you could piece together photos of french fries set to dramatic music and I would find it moving.

Anyway, out of all his movies that include "The Big Lebowski," "Crazy Heart" and "True Grit," his best by far is "Stick It." That's right. That really bad movie where he plays a gymnastics coach to "rebel" Missy Peregrym (it's clear she is a rebel because she wears trucker hats, duh). He wears polos with popped collars and chews 10,000 piece of gum and at some point yells "STICK IT!" A true artist.

He gave a really, REALLY long speech and I'm about 420% positive that he was high.

WHY
Here is my in memoriam collage of all the Globes ignored foods.
There were big ass boxes of Lindt truffles on every table and I'm going to estimate that approximately one of them was actually opened. And there were apparently some sort of donuts? AND A PLATE OF SANDICHES? AND AN UNEATEN BISCUIT (OR MAYBE THAT'S FISH)? AND SOME SORT OF DESSERT? Dear lord, I am affected. And it's baffling since all of these celebs actually miss the dinner portion of the evening (as they're all on the red carpet).

How do they resist destroying that sandwich platter or stealing all of the chocolates from Charlize Theron's table? This is a world I do not understand.

And that's it! I'm glad I could highlight the most important elements of the evening for you like who my boyfriends are and my campaign for "The Good Place." If you're interested in less important facts like, who won everything, check that out here.

See you all tomorrow as we hop into "The Bachelor" trash bin!

2017 SAG Awards in the bag

I enjoy the SAG Awards more than the Oscars. YEAH I SAID IT, GRAB YOUR TOP HAT. The show is usually around two hours long and things move pretty smoothly from major category to major category, which, I know, I'm offending anyone who enjoys watching the race for "Best Use of Eyelash Glue in an Action and/or Sci-Fi Movie," so sorry.

This means that the actual red carpet is literally the same length as the show, which, as a person of balance, I love.

First things first (I'm the realest). This is another awards show that makes the mistake of wasting hundreds of thousands of dollars on this strange thing called "carbs." This year featured 3200 homemade breadsticks. How do they even know that's the exact number? How do they know some rogue woman didn't sneak into the back bakery and eat 100 of those magic sticks ahead of the show?

Bread aside, the specialty cocktails this year featured vodka in one and tequila in the other, amounting to around 120 bottles of booze. Meryl ended up using tequila as a chaser for the vodka and anyway no one knows where 85 of the bottles went.

On the red carpet, Giuliana and I continued our tortured relationship wherein she says things like "amazeballs" and I restrain myself from tossing my TV out the window. It would seem our lil' G has discovered the 1995 magic of self-tanner and has dove head first (literally). Watching her reminded me of this news article I read last year about a seagull that fell into a vat of chicken tikka masala, dying its feathers orange. Anyway, you tell me who wore it better:

Best dresses

Orange birds aside, I thought 98% of the fashion this year was lovely, with these being my favorites:

1. I imagine Brie Larson was wearing sweatpants and Cheetos an hour before the show, before getting a text from JLaw to remind her about making an appearance. Then she casually dabbed her face with Fairy Godmother fairy dust and slipped into this custom Jason Wu dress that she happened to have in her closet. ALL WITHOUT GETTING CHEETO FINGERS ON IT. This woman is a hero.

2. I can think of exactly zero times I've seen Kerry Washington looking less than flawless. This woman could have the flu, a migraine, pink eye, recent wisdom teeth surgery and a Will-Smith-in-Hitch allergic reaction and still win every single red carpet. I'm not normally one for strapless dresses and grandma-curtain lace, but I love this. 

3. Michelle Williams is like a precious baby bird, but in this dress, she is a fancy ass, shiny baby bird. I love the metallics and the 90s choker and her make-up is always so simple yet elegant and anyway this is my bid to join hers and Busy's friend group. More on #MiBusy later.

4. Y'ALL, SOPHIE TURNER'S GLO-UP THOUGH. Remember when we all hated Sansa on Game of Thrones and to make matters worse she was kind of strange looking? Then out of nowhere she was a badass and fed Ramsay to his dogs and we were all like YOOO. My point here being her red carpet game has been pretty solid the past couple years and this year was no exception. The red dress! The bold lip color! Those old Hollywood waves! I'm only disappointed in her decision to couple with Joe Jonas and his thunder thighs. Maturity is an ever evolving trait.

This is the most important US-UK partnership

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There is only one couple (I think you know who) I involuntarily pterodactyl screech for more than Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. They are the couple who will repopulate the earth after the apocalypse and I didn't even make that up, we all voted on it last year because of impending worries. On this topic, I continue to reiterate that Emily Blunt deserves some sort of award this season for so believably portraying a terrible looking drunk ass fool. Do you know how hard it is to be drunk for months? Very. I myself have only done it twice but had to stop due to causing a french fry famine.

Mahershala Ali invented the white suit

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I haven't voiced this enough, but I would like to marry Mahershala Ali. This thought first struck me when I saw him in House of Cards and it has stuck with me since then which must mean it's a formidable thought. Most men opt for black or navy suits for shows, which is fine if you're Ryan Gosling, but otherwise it's kind of boring. But Mahershala in this white suit. Seeing him elicited one of those "That's So Raven" moments, where I flashed forward into our future to see that we got married and ended up living in a giant Beverly Hills mansion with Chrissy and John because Mahershala is so understanding of me needing to be close to my breast friend.

New phone, who dis?

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No really, does anyone know who this woman is. She keeps showing up to events for actors and I'm starting to wonder if she is involved in acting somehow.

I thought the circus went out of business?

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I don't want to harp on her for too long because Nicole Kidman scares the actual shit out of me and I'm 110% sure she can hear me speak of her because she is an actual ghost. But this parrot dress. She looks a little bit like the Riddler? Or the Joker? We tried to ask her, but due to her impending contest with husband Keith Urban to see who can get the most Botox in a week, she only responded with "Booo blahhh boooo boo," which I translated to mean "I will haunt your dreams."

We have located the source of the world's beauty

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This left me speechless for a bit, similar to what happens to "creatives" when they see an especially moving piece of art. I would pay to see this photo, literally printed on normal printer paper, at a museum in Paris. While I tend to praise CT for her fashion regardless of if it's a designer gown or a pillowcase, I absolutely loved this black wrap dress with a sort of suit jacket top portion. And complemented by a tuxedo-clad Goose and dapper John Legend? And they sat at Meryl's table with (obviously) Ryan and Emma? HOLLYWOOD, STOP PANDERING TO ME.

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I was caught eating a breadstick.

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How was I supposed to know I'd be in the background shot of Emma? Just chewing those last buttery bits with a smug look on my face because NO ONE ELSE AT MY TABLE ATE THEM. No breadstick left behind. While on the topic of Emma, who took home La La Land's only award of the night, this was Brie Larson's reaction to hearing Emma Stone's name announced for leading actress, which is so sugary sweet I had to eat another salty breadstick:

Stranger Things won, but more importantly #Winona

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First off, Stranger Things swooping in with this win was pretty unexpected, so Winona didn't have much time to program her facial expressions. I'm not complaining. Just wanting to know what she mixed in with her tequila cocktails because I'm going to a party with Lady Mary and Lady Edith and the rest of Downton Abbey later and they party hard.

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If you see one film this year, let it be Hidden Figures

Aside from the absolutely amazing performances by Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae and Taraji P. Henson, this story is so incredibly important. And inspirational. And historic. And okay, some sources report I shed 9-10 tears at it. Similar to how Spotlight kind of surprised everyone by snagging the SAG then the Oscar last year, I'm hopeful Hidden Figures will do the same. 

And lastly, #MiBusy

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You should know by now that this is how I will end every post. Which, is actually pretty similar to how I end most in-person conversations: by presenting a laminated photo of Busy and Michelle with no explanation, just a stern expression.

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What do you think they talk about over bowls of post-show wings? Do you think they wonder what James Van Der Beek is up to? Do you think they YouTube that scene of Katie Holmes singing "On My Own" in that early Dawson's Creek episode? Then drunk dial her and ask her about spaceships and cyborgs and Scientology? These are the hard-hitting questions I'll get to the bottom of.

And that's it folks! A pretty solid SAG Awards to serve as hypeman for the Oscars. See you next month for the Adele-Beyonce Music Awards!